What do I do to get better and be happy again ?

I wake up everyday wishing I had a better all do is make me feel horrible I can never speak talk to them about anything and they all hate me so much I have no real true friends since I was little I'm so depressed I hate high school was picked and teased I feel like how nobody really has my back or is there for me at all and I can't afford to see a therapist it's al most like brain will explode I'm been going threw so many horrible things and my bead consulting hurts so badly like I have no peace in my head just tension it's been forever since I even had fun I don't even know what it feels like anymore. It's just tearing me apart mentally